Today I’m welcoming L.G. Keltner and her MC Dani as they celebrate their new book release, Self-Help 101 or: How to Survive a Bombardment With Minimal Injury.
Dani’s here to share her Survival Tips for Crazy Sci-Fi Scenarios! Take it away, Dani —
Hey! Dani Finklemeier here! I write self-help books about how to get by in various scenarios, many of them disastrous and awkward, and while the masses may not yet find them useful, a small number of people have gained something from them. Mostly laughter, yes, but I’m fine with that. If people don’t find your writing entertaining, you aren’t going to get far.
I’m a fan of TV shows and movies across various genres, especially if they’re cheesy. I enjoy poking fun of them while eating too much junk food. It may not be the healthiest pastime, but oh well.
Anyway, sci-fi has offered the world a lot of fun and outlandish scenarios over the years. You may think such things could never happen in real life, but who knows? In either case, it never hurts to be prepared. Today I’d like to give you some survival tips so that you might come out unscathed should you find yourself in a sci-fi style scenario.
1.) If something strange falls from the sky, never poke it with a stick.
2.) If you’re in a group of people who all know each other but they don’t know you, give them your name. Nameless characters always die so the others involved know the situation is serious.
3.) Do not wear a red shirt.
4.) If the teachers at your school act like they’ve been taken over by aliens, they probably have been. It may be time to start your summer vacation a bit early.
5.) If the dead are reanimated in any way, run away ASAP. That’s the sort of thing you really don’t want to mess with if at all possible.
6.) If you’re in a group hunting for some unknown threat, never bring up the rear. That’s the person who gets picked off first. If you’re the second to last in the group, keep your eye on the person behind you. If they go missing, you’re next.
7.) If you come across someone experimenting with a device that looks like it could do a lot of damage, steer clear.
8.) If aliens land in a first contact scenario, try to avoid being the one sent in first. They may be hostile, but more importantly, even if they aren’t initially hostile, you don’t want to be the person who makes a mistake and ends up starting an interstellar war. That sort of thing will weigh heavily on your conscience.
9.) Do not be the jerk who acts so overconfident no one likes them. That person tends to die in bad ways.
10.) Learn how to work together with people you don’t know while not fully trusting them. You never know if they’re a double agent, only out for their own self-interests, or a shape-shifting alien who is luring you into some kind of trap. You may not be able to make it on your own, but trusting too fully in a bad situation can get you killed.
That’s all for now! I’m sure there are a lot more survival tips to be found. Next time you’re reading or watching science fiction, be sure to take your own notes. You never know when survival tips like these may come in handy!
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Title: Self-Help 101 or: How to Survive a Bombardment With Minimal Injury
Author: L.G. Keltner
Length: 25,000 words
Cover Art: L.G. Keltner and Jamon Walker
Release Date: June 28, 2016
Book 2 in the Self-Help 101 series
Dani Finklemeier has self-published her guide to taking over the world, but she still isn’t rich. Now she’s eighteen, still babysitting for money, and looking forward to starting college in the fall.
Of course, she has to survive a 4th of July outing with her family first. That’s a challenging prospect considering she has to be in close proximity with a group of cousins known as The Fallible Four. As if that weren’t enough, she also has to deal with the fallout of her parents learning more about her relationship with her boyfriend Seth than she ever wanted them to know.
The good news is that, if she survives this holiday, she’ll have plenty of material for another self-help book.
L.G. Keltner spends most of her time trying to write while also cleaning up after her crazy but wonderful kids and hanging out with her husband. Her favorite genre of all time is science fiction, and she’s been trying to write novels since the age of six. Needless to say, those earliest attempts weren’t all that good.
Her non-writing hobbies include astronomy and playing Trivial Pursuit.